ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
