Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
