he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
