I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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