3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
