Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
