I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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