I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
