I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
