hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
