The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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