We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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