that's an acceptable place to lick
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my liver is dry heaving
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
