I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
