dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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