I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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