I wish I could teleport
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
