Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
