TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
