He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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