Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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