This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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