College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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