C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
