I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
