cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You smell like stripper and shame
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
