How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
