the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
bring money and cleavage
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
