It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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