he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
