ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
