woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
