A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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