Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
