they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
