I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
