when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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