Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Still dying that you shit outside
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
