In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
