finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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