Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mom said you looked used
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
