Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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