I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize