you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize