it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
