very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
