I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
