K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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