I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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