Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
