My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
