Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
