Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
