don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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