you mean i was at the winter classic?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
