What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
