Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
