she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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