Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
