Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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