Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pants are for mortals
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
