Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
