Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
