I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
