Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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