Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
