just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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