Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
