the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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