i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize