we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's blow job season.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
