I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
