Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
